March 15, 2016

You are not as bad as you think.

Assalamualaikum and hello everyone!

It took some courage for me to write this down and maybe a little high self esteem 😹.  Just want to share about what happened to me. I have always been that girl who thinks that I am not good enough, like I am the ugliest, the most bad, the most lazy umm to make it simple everything bad is mine.

  1. I grown up with the surrounding of those aunties who "I don't even know where did they came from like you are not even my grandmother's child so who are you" who think they are cool and it's okay to talk about my physical in front of me. Their dialogues would be something like these: "Besarnya anak kamu, belajar mana?" when I was still in school. Or "dah sama besar anak dengan mak". To all 90s generations who are going to be the aunties, please don't be like those kepochi makciks. It somehow make me feel low, and of course I am sad. But, when I was in school there was one friend who is always being honest, told me something that makes me feel like "Oh, I'm not that fat. I'm not that big." Yes, thanks to you Cheah, I still remember your words till now. 
  2. One of my insecurities is my voice. It isn't husky or girly or umm something nice to be heard. I did not like my voice till I have problems to speak in front of the class or even to volunteer as the Imam of congregational prayers just because I don't like to hear my own voice, plus when everyone else is quiet. But, one fine day something happened. It was our first RKA class and like usual we had to introduce ourselves. After I did mine, the lecturer told me. "You have a very nice voice." Bang! Someone said something that I never heard of for 19 years of my life. Although I still have doubt to talk in public but I somehow know that my voice isn't that bad and I still can talk confidently in my oral interview earlier in the morning ;)
  3. I have something in my arms which also sometimes make me feel ugly. But last week if I'm not mistaken, someone looked at my arms and said "cantiknya tangan kamu!". And I was like apa benda yang cantik ntah then she said "cantik la ni!"

Yes, though all those nice words can't change the facts of what I look like but at least I know that I am not as bad as I think I was, and if you think you are bad, no you are not. Thanks positive people!

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