October 15, 2017

What I realised after 4 weeks of being an undergrads student.

Assalamualaikum and hello everyone!
Tajuk taknak kalah langsung kan kahkahkah.

I’m home. After 6 weeks in Kuantan. I need to get my writing/blogging momentum back and in this post, I have so much to talk about. Let’s hope I can finish writing this post in a day.

First of all, let me be honest. I came to Kuantan with more negative vibes than the positive one. I am sorry I know it’s not good but some of my friends knew about this. I talked to them and thanks to you guys, I am not as negative as I was before. I mean tell me how I will not be so negative after being mocked about how horrible and tiring and shitty life will be as a pharmacy student. Plus, being compared with other courses, that’s just unnecessary and I swear, that affects my emotion.

Then, being mocked with “you need to study everytime if not you're going to fail”. Before and after classes with classes from 8-5. Guess what, I put a pressure on me. I mean a very high pressure till it changes me. I did almost everything that I thought what a good student will do of course, with the mindset “if I don’t do all this thing I’m not going to succeed”. I know I wasn’t the real me but I thought it was for my sake. When I read the lecture notes, I kept thinking and saying that “I must understand and memorise everything now” and when I really cant understand apatah lagi nak ingat the facts, I had mental breakdowns. Like “whats wrong with me? Am I that stupid? Isn't my brain functioning anymore? Is my IQ level dropping?" And with the list of lecture notes to be read, I became nervous. What if I cant finish reading this tonight? What if I understand nothing. What if I score the lowest in my class for this quiz? What if I cant answer if Dr asks me this question?

After a month, ya I know that’s quite a long time for me to realise. But at least it’s not 4 years kan. But one night, I think let’s just have some fun. I put my earphones on and had a loud music on. But at the same time, I was making notes for tomorrow’s lecture. And enjoyed the moment, I kinda understand what I read & wrote. I don’t know if coincidentally the subject I was reading wasn’t that hard, but I realised something.

I don’t need that high amount of pressure for me to study, to understand what I’m studying I can still enjoy my life and my study will not be affected but of course la with control. Not everyone wears the same shoes. This way might work for me but not others.

I was also so scared if I can’t complete the tasks given; reading, assignments, tutorial etc. Everything was because “I have too much work I don’t know where should I start! 5/6 different subjects everyday. How should I fathom all these?”. You know when you started to overthink and thought you cant make it and there you go. Nothing achieved. I made plans before. But everytime I made plans, when there’s too much to do, my innerself became so nervous and the cycle repeated. But this time, I made realistic plans. I told myself, it’s okay if you can’t finish the whole slide for preclass reading. But of course I need to focus in tomorrow’s class kan but at least when I have less pressure on me, my output is greater. Well that’s what I think. Yes I still need pressure but I’ve learnt that over-pressure brings nothing. Only unnecessary stress & tears.

Other factors that I think contributes to my problem is my roommates. No, they are nice. But I don’t know maybe because we still don’t really know each other, we barely talk to each other unless needed. And there’s this one girl yang memang tak kisahkan orang lain, at all. Kalau bertembung senyum pun taknak haish how la? I can’t live in that situation. I miss my old roommates T_T

Btw, me and my friends realised that 8-5 class isn’t that bad. Maybe because this is just our first year, but put aside the subjects. The focus now is on the time. I realised that some of us compared ourselves to students from other course. Some only have classes up until noon, some have 1-2 days where they don’t have class at all. Yes, that sounds so good kan. Tapi buat apa nak banding dengan orang kan? We chose this path. Allah put us here for some reasons. Kalau nak ada masa yang banyak so we can have fun, I think mungkin boleh kaji balik niat, at least for me. Ye lah time kecik dulu orang kata budak u ni best, class berapa jam je sehari. Lepas tu boleh lepak makan ke pergi mall, then when you enrolled in this course then only you realised that life isn’t a bed of roses kan.

Maybe we can start changing the mindset we are going to give to our juniors. No more “pharmacy course ni penat gila class 8-5 tak macam orang lain boleh enjoy.” Let’s have “pharmacy course ni bagus, bagi kita rasa class 8-5 so nanti time kerja takde la culture shock sangat. Kerja nanti sama je, on call lagi.” I think that sounds nicer ;)

Well I think I wrote a lot dy. I’ll continue writing about this in another post. Till then, Xoxo.

August 10, 2017

one fine day.

one fine day,
there was a girl.
but people thought she was a toy.
to be used and to be played with.

one fine day,
a heart was blooming.
little did she knew,
it wasn't genuine.

one fine day,
the heart broke.
in silence,
as always.

one fine day,
the same thing happened.
that feeling came again.

one fine day,
she was sitting at the corner.
alone, again.

one day,
everything just wasn't fine anymore.

August 5, 2017


Assalamualaikum and hello everyone!

omg tajuk pun macam tah pape. dah la update kat blogger ni dia tak autocapitalize so i am very malas to write everything down dekat microsoft word dulu baru paste kat sini like what i usually normally did. sebab tah macam tak suka benda tak ikut rules ni lol tapi dah ni pun tetiba rasa nak tulis kat blog nak buat camana, #hormone.

tapi seriously actually i was watching random videos kat youtube pastu macam eh nak update blog la without even thought of the content lol. oh tengok videos tu pun sambil makan ni semua salah roommates e3.40 kat gambang dulu. diorang la yang ajar time makan kena pasang movie nak tengok. oh and ada one time tu kan we watched p ramlee's movie but i dont remember what movie is it.

ha nilah bebudak yang ajar makan kena tengok movie tu lol

some life update: im going to resign this month. 31st of august will be my last day working sebab 31hb kan merdeka so gaji triple. #wanitabijak lol. oh lepastu ni nasihat untuk siapa yang nak kerja kat company i yang i dont want to mention here kalau rajin cari la kat post lama lol, kalau kau plan nak sambung study takyah la bagitau deme awal-awal. rugi. sebab i supposedly naik grade tau after 6 months and other possibilities are renew contract or terminate. terminate ni ofcourse la sebab kau bnyak buat hal contoh selalu mc ke asyik tak datang ke macam ada sorang budak tu. lepas spm. anak tunggal. rumah dekat je dengan tempat kerja tapi kalau takde transport parents tak bagi pergi kerja. macam susah la kan sebab ada shift and jadual dah buat semua tetiba takleh datang atas sebab yg boleh dielakkan pun. tapi ye lah on side of her parents kita taktau. tu satu je anak dahlah perempuan lembik2 pulak tu hahahahhhah weh ni bukan mengata tapi dia memang jenis loloi camtu.

dah merapu. ok pastu kalau renew contract ni macam kau ada banyak shortage ke. dia macam give you another chance to prove yourself that you are worth to be kept by the company la gittew. but in my case, my shortage paling tinggi pun rm20 tu pun time awal2 kerja. lepas tu fuh record cantik ya sebab i memang ingat kalau i short banyak, attendance pun dah macam boleh dapat best employee award tak pernah lambat okay, mc pun pernah sekali je dalam 6 bulan tu. tapi sebab im going to further my study in just 2 months after the earlier 6 months period, dia taknak bagi i naik grade. rugi katanya. siapa dia tu biarlah rahsia kahkahkah, padahal kalau naik grade naik gaji naik elaun. i macam pissed off and terasa la jugak actually sebab it is my right kan? nak resign tu cerita lain la masalahnya dah bagitau time interview kalau kerja elok semua boleh naik gred. tapi tulah. takde rezeki kan nak buat camana.

pastu 5 sept dah gerak pahang nak register degree. honestly i takut sikit la nak sambung study sebab macam dah setahun kan tak perah otak teruk2 ni. tapi malas nak bagitau kat orang lain nanti mesti dapat ayat "alah kau cakap je camtu" but they just dont see my struggles, tu yang boleh cakap camtu huhuhuhuuhuhhuhu.

tu je kot rasa macam dah banyak sangat merepek dahlah post tah pape takde gambar ke apa ke hahaha malas lol. kbye chiow ;)

update: i received my payslip tadi and then kan my salary is higher tau. and dekat payslip tulis G2 means naik pangkat la tu sebab before ni G2 but no one notified me and i didnt signed any letter pun and plus, kenapa tak dapat annual leave punnnnn ok bye.
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