masih terkapai

Assalamualaikum and hello everyone!

intro tu sebenarnya automatic. and it makes me sounds excited isnt it?
but not today. but i dont have any energy to change the intro.
idk. there are so many things happened and will happen.
im trying to stay postive and focus.
but all of these exhausted me, physically and mentally.
there are times where i know i shouldnt feel like this, or i shouldnt do this and that, but it just cant be helped.
i am actually very particular about punctuation in writing but not today. i just cant be bothered. caps lock ke apostrophe ke, as long as it is readable. blogger ni pun satu, takde autocorrect. ok, tak marah pun.


i bukan tak bersyukur. tapi idk. i just penat.
im trying, im trying my very best to stay positive, to believe.
but im just a normal human. i ada breakdown phase.
tapi sakit bila u know semua orang kat sini ada masalah sama, semua orang busy, semua orang penat.
so u cant find anyone yang boleh jadi bahu.
its not that kalau kita pergi cerita kat diorang, diorang halau balik, tak.
they are very, very kind. tapi kita dalam situasi yang sama and kita tahu yang every second is precious so i taknak bebankan orang dengan masalah hidup i.
tapi bila orang lain yang patutnya boleh jadi bahu pun tak izinkan diri dia jadi bahu, apa patut i buat?
i know, talk to god they said. i did. but i need a two way communication too. i penat simpan semua dalam hati sengsorang.

i sampai kalau tidur tu i taknak bangun sebenarnya. i taknak hadap reality. i taknak tengok apa yang waiting to be dobe. dulu i buat list satu-satu apa kena buat, to stay organised. but now, the to-do-list only gives me anxiety and panick. dah lama i tak bangun pagi with a good feeling. i penat rasa terpaksa. bukan tak ikhlas belajar, i suka belajar. i suka bila i dapat ilmu baru. i love the learning process tapi when it totally drains me out, physically and mentally, i rasa terbeban. of course i should not feel the way. but that's it. i memang berperang dengan perasaan sendiri, everyday. doakan i kuat okay?

semalam i terserempak dengan my bestfriend dekat an event yang i jadi committee. she's from another course so we rarely meet. i peluk dia pastu terus ternangis. i cakap kat dia yang i penat, i penat sangat. sebab malam tu, i kena submit report before midnight and i kan ada programme. i dah try buat dari awal, dah cari journal apa semua tapi tak siap jugak before the event. and right before terserempak kawan i, ada dapat message dalam group "Dr akan deduct marks for late submission". and dah banyak hari tak cukup rehat, tidur 3-4 pagi. menangis level banjir memang menjejes-jejes. padahal otw nak pergi tunggu VIP tu. tapi rasa lega sikit lepas dapat hug & cry. rasa terlepas beban. thanks baby love you. thanks jugak S sebab tolong i buat report time event tu.

lepas tu, i terbuat heart to heart dengan Dr. Z. she's a very, very nice person.
level kebaikan dengan kesabaran dia adalah sangat details, even benda yang kita pandang biasa-biasa pun dia boleh nampak the good side of it.
i told her yang i penat and overwhelmed with all these workloads. all these quizzes and deadlines. week 13 is no joke. hampir ternangis lagi tapi nasib baik tak.
tapi she told me, yang ni semua process. kita tak boleh focus on the product je. all these challenges and hardships, is the process untuk kita cari and kenal diri kita. banyak lagi yang Dr cakap, and it somehow makes me feel better. walaupun sebenarnya time type ni i nangis jugak.

it's 1:04 am, and i got quiz at 8.00 later. semua chapter. minus marking. idk what will happen in the exam hall, i will just try my best to study apa yang boleh malam ni. pray for me.

things happened

Assalamualaikum and hello everyone!

I am finally done with my CVS report. I had a practical session earlier this evening, and for the first time ever, I broke a lab apparatus. It was an accident of course, I was filtering my crystals of glutamic acid and tertolak filter funnel tu and dia jatuh ke meja pastu pecah pastu terjerit lulz.

Okay that's all for today, got a lab quiz tomorrow. Hopefully all is well :)

sem 2 week 3 updates.

Assalamualaikum and hello everyone!

Well, betul lah susah nak istiqamah tulis entry weekly. I dah lost track sebenarnya minggu lepas ada tulis ke tak kehkehkeh. Takpela, bila teringat kita tulis ye dok. Walaupun takde ramai mana yang baca, at least I can treasure some of my memories here. I'm glad that I wrote about a few events in my life, here. Bila baca balik memacam perasaan ada.

Anyway, I sepatutnya buat and siapkan lab report CVS today since my class ended at 1230 pm tadi and that lab report is going to be submitted lusa. Tapi baru siap procedure dengan result. Discussion and question apa pun tak buat lagi. Maka, I berazam untuk siapkan malam ni. Tapi malam ni nak tengok lab manual untuk esok lagi, revision and preread Sterile lagi. Takkkkk, ni bukan merungut or tak bersyukur. Tapi rasanya lab manual tu besok pun sempat baca since class is going to end at 1130 and lab starts at 230 hehe.

I'm going home this weekend yeay! Tapi not really home pun sebab memang tak balik rumah langsung tapi I'm going to meet my family. Kan home is where the heart is? Kahkahkah. My brother is getting married this Friday. Nasib baiklah class semua cancel Jumaat ni kalau tak dah terfikir kena pakai baju yang sepatutnya untuk majlis nikah tu pergi class so lepas class terus balik. Omo sis masih ada perasaan segan ye walaupun baju tu tak glamour mana tapi orang tak pakai baju macam tu pergi class kahkahkah. So, selamatlah saya dari mencapap pergi KOP pakai baju majlis lulz.

Academically, I'm still trying to catch up and get along with the subjects. Pharm Tech subjects are not as horrendous as last sem's lulz. Horrendous might not be a proper word to express how bad it is but sorrrryyyyy memang tak suka Phy Pharm 2 T_T Tak tahu la susah nak buang habit kalau tak suka subject tu memang tak suka la. Study pun camtu camtu je padahal kalau study bebetul boleh je score tu. Time exam tu tau je graph tu ada dalam slide, pernah baca pasal soalan tu tapi yeeee itulah dia padan muka tak dapat A hahahaha. My high school punya classmates probably ingat kot pasal my relationship dengan Physics ni. Suka je part kira-kira tu tapi bila dia punya facts I tak suka... Idk why and I know it isn't a good habit tapi nak buat cemana....

Sem ni ada dua subjects from Pharm Tech and all is well so far, alhamdulillah ;) And the other 3 core subjects are Body System subject. Menarik tapi memang kena strong dekat Anatomy, Physiology, Pharmacology, Med Chem pun ye jugak sebab pasal drugs. Taktau la faktor usia ke apa tapi sekarang jarang2 la baca sekali terus melekat. Kena selalu repeat and repeat. Dulu frust la jugak tapi lelama I know it's on me. Kalau I bermalasan I yang menyesal, macam dengan Phy Pharm 2 kahkahkah. Takpe, kita usaha je semaksimum mungkin. Kan siapa yang berusaha akan berjaya?

Oh, saja la nak cerita time final exam haritu, last paper is Pharmaceutical Analysis 2 punya paper. And I tweeted this, sebab slide pasal tu satu page je dalam notes:

And memang skip pun tak baca pun. Esok tu time exam, soalan first is (tak la exactly tapi camni la maksud dia"Describe the mechanism of ICP" hahaahahhahaha memang tinggal la. Nasib soalan jenis jawab 4 out of 5, bukan kena jawab semua lulz. Lepas exam pun feedback macam ramai je tinggal soalan tu so untung Dr tak payah tanda kehkehkeh. Tapi I lulus cemerlang eh paper tu :P

Tadi ada sorang lecturer inform kitorang pasal the amount of 'casualties' on AIA paper. Yaaaa that killer subject. And we're shooketh. Sebab apa yang kitorang dengar sikit je tapi rupanya the actual casualties is doubles the number. Ye la takkan la kau nak pergi buat survey pulak kan kat group tu tanya siapa yang kena repeat. Tapi, takpelah. Let's do better for our upcoming papers!

Sekian, sudah nak masuk maghrib nampaknya. Semoga lab report siap harini. Toodles!

Update 12:29 a.m., 19/2/19: Baru siap discussion dengan result for the first part. Tinggal lagi 2 soalan. Tapi I am satisfied with my explanation and answer kehkehkeh. Battery laptop pun dah nak habis, esok class at 8, so ciao!